Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. A saying as old as time, however as hurtful today as it was a hundred years ago. The sad reality is you would hope that with time and knowledge, would come compassion, empathy, kindness and love of people. This subject is one that is very near and dear to my heart, as I myself, have been dealt a few hands duirng my lifetime (and that’s more then anyone should). With that being said, it has taken me the greater part of my life to realize, it’s not me, it’s them. In today’s blog, I want to share some knowledge and understanding with you, that I hope will change your life in a positive way too!

Mirror Mirror– Make sure you are a reflection inwardly of what you want in return. The qualities you desire out of others, should be qualities you give in return. When you radiate good vibes, it’s contagious. If they don’t catch the vibes , hey – you still have a great aura about you, and isn’t that really what life is about? Happiness?!

Judge Less, Love More – There is only one judge and His day will come. It’s not up to anyone to raise judgment on anyone. Mentally and emotionally, this can break a person down to the point of despair. I have suffered from judgement on many different levels, none of which have been easy to handle on any of the levels. On a professional level, being a female has resulted in judements against me that were both hurtful and damaging. On a personal level, because I am not an extravert, I have been called hurtful names, of course all by those that don’t know me. It didn’t make the sting any less at the time, but realizing now the negative equity it holds in my life have made all the difference. This part is important, so pay attention… because this is where it gets hateful, dramatic and messy. People are so quick to “look” at others and cast judgment on their looks, their intelligence, their stature, their class and even their story, WITHOUT walking in their shoes, WITHOUT knowing their story, THEIR HEART. What we learn from and take away from this is that their opionion does NOT matter. Ask yourself these questions, are these people important to you? Do they even know you? Hopefully the answer is no, because anyone who truly loves and cares about you, will not judge you, or be taking part in judgement of you.

Know Your Worth – I am a middle child. You ask, why does that matter? I have struggled the majority of my life to figure out where I fit in. I was not the first or the baby. I was placed in foster care at a very young age and bounced around from home to home before I ended up living with relatives for awhile. My mom eventually was able to receive custody when she was back on her feet and had remarried my stepfather. I fought for attention by thinking that if I was perfect at everything, I would be noticed and loved and wouldn’t have to be sent away. So, I made straight A’s, didn’t talk back, was in church every time the doors were open, and did everything in my power to be the perfect daughter. This carried over into adulthood. With my children, I was home room mom, team mom, you name it to be be the perfect mother (beacuse I was not going to have anyone accuse me of not being a good mother)! And because I eqauted perfection with love. I thought by trying to be the perfect mom, my kids would love me more. Yes, I know how wild that sounds because my kids love me to the moon and back and it has nothing to do with what I can or have done for them and everything to do with my unconditonal love for them. This also carried over into my professional life. Any job I have ever had, I have strived at being perfect. Good was just not good enough. I had to work hard, harder then anyone else to satisy my own fears of not being good enough. After years of mental and emotional abuse of myself, this took a toll. See, the thing is, I was good enough. I always have been. I love to learn new things and I don’t settle for being unresolved. Challenges are exciting to me and I am loyal as the day is long. I know my worth, I don’t need anyone else to validate it for me. It was never about me being flawed or being imperfect. I let those negative situations around me direct my sense of worth. My resolution for you today is to know your worth and never take discounts. Do not let uncontrollable situations, negative people or unfortunate circumstances define you. Challenge yourself each day to remember that it is just a situation, or just a circumstance or just a mean person, honestly. It is not you or your fault or in anyway definitive of your work ethic, your personality, your dreams, or your character!

Be the Light – It always saddens me how people think that blowing out someone’s candle is gonna make their light shine brighter. Take the workplace, for example. I am a firm believer in teamwork makes the dream work. (The ol’ there is no I in team). You are only as successfull as the team you have behind you. With that being said, it truly kills me to see people looking and I mean literally looking for dirt or fault or drama within the team. The negativity negates any chance of cohesiveness and therefore there will never be success. Think about this for a second. If you find a better way of doing something than your coworker (that is in their wheelhouse), how beneficial would it be for you to share it with them? Let me break it down for you. 1) You would be building a relationship of trust with that coworker by sharing it. 2) You would be contributing to the overall success of the company by providing a smoother process 3) You would be setting an example to your team of teamwork and success. 4) This is the most important – it’s the right thing to do.

The second scenario in the workplace is, say your coworker has been given a project and instead of doing it themselves, they delegate it out to you or have other coworkers basically piece it together for them and then take all the credit for it and literally do not mention you or the other coworkers at all. What do you do? Nothing. That’s right. You read that correctly. I’m gonna ask you to pay close attention to this part. Anyone that lacks integrity and thinks that they earned the praise honestly will eventually get burnt. I know what you are thinking, yeah right. Trust me. If they did not know enough to complete the project they were asigned on their own to begin with, they will drown themselves. Now, with that being said, let me offer up a little further advice to you. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. If you know this coworker is capable of such lack of integrity, do not entertain their reqest in the future. The main objective is to always give off the vibe you want to get in return. A positive workplace leads to employees wanting to be better and do better because they are happy and again, isn’t that what life is about? Aren’t we working to be happy?!

Be You, Do You, Own You – You are you and that is your Power! Unique, diffrent and all together flawed is what makes us ALL BEAUTIFUL! For the longest time I had self confidence issues and would worry myself sick about what people thought about me. Was I too fat? Too thin? Was my hair straight enough or curled just right? And let’s not even talk about style. For those that know me, I have always loved fashion, but was always concerned about what others thought about my choices. Were they trendy, classy, trashy, old, etc? In the end…yesterday, today, in this moment or the next, it won’t matter what anyone else thought. What matters, is what makes me happy. True happiness comes from within. It’s not something you can achieve from anyone else. Who cares if someone doesn’t like your swimsuit! They don’t have to wear it and chances are, they won’t!(so it’s a win, win)! What i’m wearing does not define me, my character, my heart, my life. My clothes, my style, is something that brings me joy, and to me, for me, there is nothing greater in life then to have joy. Never be ashamed of who you are, the struggles you have been through, the struggles you will undoubtly go through, or the triumphs you have achieved (no matter the size). True beauty is not what we see, it is what we do. It’s our actions of kindness, empathy, giving, and above all else love for one another.

One of my all time favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou

“People will forget what you said and what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

If you don’t take anything else away from this post today, take this – Kindness is free. Doesn’t cost anyone anything and yet it can literally change someone’s life. All it takes is a smile, a kind word, a compliment to completely turn someone’s day around, and you never know just how much it may mean to them. My challenge for you today is two fold.